[ kaveh asks as if the answer is a foregone conclusion. alhaitham thinks - in what universe could anyone answer no? if every decision is made with maximum efficiency, could every outcome, too, be maximally efficient? the world passes alhaitham by beneath him. the wind whistles as he takes him over the heads of vendors and the spread branches of the divine tree, across the rushing blue of aqueducts that make up the lifeblood of a society built on rain and green and loam - and takes them to the frayed edges of the city where the wilderness clips the shape of gardens and the well-worn footpaths that separate sumeru from the rest of the world. there had been another life, once, that alhaitham does not claim as his own. there had been a goddess who danced, and laughed, and died. there had been the purple of the padisarahs. there had been no more. alhaitham does not regret the trajectory of the past so much as he regrets his lack of understanding of it. but therein lies the difference:
that the regret that kaveh speaks of is one that consumes kaveh at night. that the regret kaveh speaks of whispers its name in the rustle of the trees and the eddying of the night breeze. that the regret that kaveh speaks of is thought with such ardent longing that it has become a third person haunting the eaves of alhaitham's roof, a mere emotion made form and given teeth. alhaitham, who has regrets, has chosen not to allow them to haunt him. you could not live without experiencing regret, but you did not have to live with it. or so alhaitham believed. but kaveh, alhaitham thinks, kaveh does not know how to live without regret. he does not believe he has the ability to choose.
once, alhaitham, sitting the akademiya gardens and watching the red of kaveh's eyes bleed, had wanted kaveh, who put others before himself each and every turn, who only ever allowed himself to get in line as the last and final participant to a want so faraway that it might as well not exist, to want without guilt.
but not like this. never like this. ]
Is that what matters to you? Mind your feet. [ but the question is asked without censure. one cannot examine their own thoughts and truths without questions; one cannot understand without questions. alhaitham banks and, finally, allows the two of them to land.
his feet take them forward on a few, long, running steps, the world coming into jostling focus before it, too, stills. around them, the purple of sumeru roses bloom. beyond: the lake. alhaitham's eyes skim the field. he gently, then, lowers kaveh into it. ] It is said that in Inazuma, the fish that grow in the inky depths of Enkanomiya lack eyes.
no subject
that the regret that kaveh speaks of is one that consumes kaveh at night. that the regret kaveh speaks of whispers its name in the rustle of the trees and the eddying of the night breeze. that the regret that kaveh speaks of is thought with such ardent longing that it has become a third person haunting the eaves of alhaitham's roof, a mere emotion made form and given teeth. alhaitham, who has regrets, has chosen not to allow them to haunt him. you could not live without experiencing regret, but you did not have to live with it. or so alhaitham believed. but kaveh, alhaitham thinks, kaveh does not know how to live without regret. he does not believe he has the ability to choose.
once, alhaitham, sitting the akademiya gardens and watching the red of kaveh's eyes bleed, had wanted kaveh, who put others before himself each and every turn, who only ever allowed himself to get in line as the last and final participant to a want so faraway that it might as well not exist, to want without guilt.
but not like this. never like this. ]
Is that what matters to you? Mind your feet. [ but the question is asked without censure. one cannot examine their own thoughts and truths without questions; one cannot understand without questions. alhaitham banks and, finally, allows the two of them to land.
his feet take them forward on a few, long, running steps, the world coming into jostling focus before it, too, stills. around them, the purple of sumeru roses bloom. beyond: the lake. alhaitham's eyes skim the field. he gently, then, lowers kaveh into it. ] It is said that in Inazuma, the fish that grow in the inky depths of Enkanomiya lack eyes.