[ no, it is not. it is not an answer kaveh would want voiced at all, to begin with. he knows where the problem lies. he has known for a long, long time. he has known since the first lie escaped his tongue: i'll be fine, mother.
the thing with kaveh is that he has always been aware of himself. it is there where the root of the problem lies, as though he is a growing tree whose roots have settled on poisoned soil. he knows. he knows, he knows, he knows. it is why he wishes he did not. it is why he drinks, it is why he does so just enough to forget. escapism is not inherently a toxic, irresponsible way to cope. it is when done in abundance. it is when kaveh had formed an unhealthy dependency on it.
alhaitham has always ground him to that familiar, despicable soil. the weight of self-awareness is crushing. it's so much easier to live wearing a mask, a protective shield that allows no one in. if he covers his ears, there will be no sound. if he closes his eyes, he can pretend it is not there.
his reflection on the water is not one kaveh wishes to look at. there are times, rare, that even mirrors he comes to avoid. they always make him aware of himself. alhaitham, most of all. ]
If you know the answer, then you would know it's not so easy for me to do what you want me to do. What does it matter, anyways? Haven't I been living just fine until now?
[ it is not, he knows, as though kaveh has room to continuously sacrifice himself for others. as though he has any room to do anything at his own expense. were he to try, wouldn't most people stop him? wouldn't the public eye target him as pitiful?
isn't, then, the problem solved, without his consent? ]
I know enough greed to hog your time during a holiday. Isn't it enough that I'm familiar with wanting without burning myself into dust when I'm with you?
prayin so hard this new week treats u better otherwise i'll have to kick its ass?
the thing with kaveh is that he has always been aware of himself. it is there where the root of the problem lies, as though he is a growing tree whose roots have settled on poisoned soil. he knows. he knows, he knows, he knows. it is why he wishes he did not. it is why he drinks, it is why he does so just enough to forget. escapism is not inherently a toxic, irresponsible way to cope. it is when done in abundance. it is when kaveh had formed an unhealthy dependency on it.
alhaitham has always ground him to that familiar, despicable soil. the weight of self-awareness is crushing. it's so much easier to live wearing a mask, a protective shield that allows no one in. if he covers his ears, there will be no sound. if he closes his eyes, he can pretend it is not there.
his reflection on the water is not one kaveh wishes to look at. there are times, rare, that even mirrors he comes to avoid. they always make him aware of himself. alhaitham, most of all. ]
If you know the answer, then you would know it's not so easy for me to do what you want me to do. What does it matter, anyways? Haven't I been living just fine until now?
[ it is not, he knows, as though kaveh has room to continuously sacrifice himself for others. as though he has any room to do anything at his own expense. were he to try, wouldn't most people stop him? wouldn't the public eye target him as pitiful?
isn't, then, the problem solved, without his consent? ]
I know enough greed to hog your time during a holiday. Isn't it enough that I'm familiar with wanting without burning myself into dust when I'm with you?