[ none of the words said come as a surprise. it's an explanation, kaveh finds, for the lack of will to chase victory. it is a complement to words said beforehand, to actions taken, to an uncooperative behavior. it is, kaveh thinks, an excuse, one he accepts wholeheartedly.
still, in the fashion of a man who has lived bleeding for others, who has always put the world before himself and died for it: the lack of a wish, he finds, is a melancholic little thing. the words his master speak are enchanting in their own way, and for the average person, it is motivation taken-form. it is a solidified ambition, and translated into the common language, is: you can chase your dream, and grasp at it with your own strength. that, kaveh agrees with.
what differs the average, reachable dream and his own is the sheer magnitude of it. kaveh dreams of the impossible. kaveh dreams with something much bigger than the world, because kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar — that kaveh is much bigger than the average sumeran resident. it makes sense. it makes, too, an uncomfortable feeling boil in his heart. he lets it go, and looks over his shoulder.
alhaitham is as big an entity as he is. for the first time, he finds their partnership to be a reasonable one.
a breath, a sigh, and a glance at the blue, endless sky outside later, kaveh says: ] My wish is to live again.
... It might be selfish of me, and I'm sure there are those who would think me ungrateful, but really, I'm not. I'm thankful for what I had, and what I accomplished. I'm not ashamed of anything I did when I was alive. But, [ because there is always, always a but in all that kaveh says: ] I don't want to be Sumeru's Savior, or the Light of Kshahrewar. I was never as particularly outstanding or special as the people made me out to be. I was just a person like everyone else. I just had bigger ambitions. Anyone else could have been in my place.
[ not to say his accomplishments were not something he was proud of, because they were. kaveh has always known he was outstanding as a student, knows well that his fame as sumeru's most talented architect was never for granted. that, he could agree with. but titles have always weighted and meant more than they ever should. he has never enjoyed being called a genius, or said to be a prodigy or born with talent. he was not archon-blessed, or a gift from celestia. he was, and has always been: just a man. ]
So I want to live again, as Kaveh, a normal person with a penchant for architecture. I don't want to be held on a pedestal anymore. I should never been put on one, to begin with.
[ my wish is to live again, kaveh of sumeru says. alhaitham listens. of course he does. in his first memories of the world, alhaitham had been but a single node in a network of nodes. the transference of magical energy does not require sentience. it only needs the existence of magic circuits, and energy willing to traverse along it. and so it goes, that alhaitham had existed as a mere component of an unending water wheel. it wasn't until the need for self-actualisation that sentience had been encouraged. but that does not mean, however, that there was never any thought. magic circuits run along the same principles as activated neurons. entire networks of them, through a complex exchange of chemicals, receivers and receiverships create the components needed for thought to actualise. in essence, it is like creating a computer through a network of vials of water. alhaitham has always had sentience. he merely didn't have any reason to care that he did.
but in the beginning, alhaitham had listened to the stories of the earth. sumeru is a country. sumeru is a state. sumeru is a collection of stories. sumeru is a land that sings beneath its awning soil. sumeru is a land that remembers its heroes. and there are no heroes that sumeru loves more so and more dearly than kaveh of sumeru.
he wishes to live again. a hush falls. sunlight falls. motes of dust glint in the unnatural stillness of alhaitham's cloistered workshop. even a reality marble would not have been as complete.
then: ]
Why would it be selfish of you? [ is what alhaitham says in the wake of it. in the wake of a wish as light as a feather, the kind of wish carried by mondstadtian dandelions floating on the wings of migratory birds. it's the kind of wish that a child would make; it is the kind of wish that a king would make; it is the kind of wish that a world would make. alhaitham says: ] From whose perspective is the judgment cast, and why would they be allowed to make such a judgment? Your wish is your own. From the very beginning, the very existence of life is predicated on their desire to live. To say that you are selfish in wanting this is to say that all life is selfish. As I, too, am living, I can assert that I reject that premise. I am not selfish, therefore you cannot be.
[ alhaitham looks. the lift of his gaze from his book is steady. kaveh seems golden for it. ]
Now we are met, Kaveh of Sumeru.
[ the declaration is thus: that this is their first meeting, the meeting of minds. alhaitham of the homunculi has met kaveh of sumeru, and known him. ]
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fanfic warning i don't know what happened
still, in the fashion of a man who has lived bleeding for others, who has always put the world before himself and died for it: the lack of a wish, he finds, is a melancholic little thing. the words his master speak are enchanting in their own way, and for the average person, it is motivation taken-form. it is a solidified ambition, and translated into the common language, is: you can chase your dream, and grasp at it with your own strength. that, kaveh agrees with.
what differs the average, reachable dream and his own is the sheer magnitude of it. kaveh dreams of the impossible. kaveh dreams with something much bigger than the world, because kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar — that kaveh is much bigger than the average sumeran resident. it makes sense. it makes, too, an uncomfortable feeling boil in his heart. he lets it go, and looks over his shoulder.
alhaitham is as big an entity as he is. for the first time, he finds their partnership to be a reasonable one.
a breath, a sigh, and a glance at the blue, endless sky outside later, kaveh says: ] My wish is to live again.
... It might be selfish of me, and I'm sure there are those who would think me ungrateful, but really, I'm not. I'm thankful for what I had, and what I accomplished. I'm not ashamed of anything I did when I was alive. But, [ because there is always, always a but in all that kaveh says: ] I don't want to be Sumeru's Savior, or the Light of Kshahrewar. I was never as particularly outstanding or special as the people made me out to be. I was just a person like everyone else. I just had bigger ambitions. Anyone else could have been in my place.
[ not to say his accomplishments were not something he was proud of, because they were. kaveh has always known he was outstanding as a student, knows well that his fame as sumeru's most talented architect was never for granted. that, he could agree with. but titles have always weighted and meant more than they ever should. he has never enjoyed being called a genius, or said to be a prodigy or born with talent. he was not archon-blessed, or a gift from celestia. he was, and has always been: just a man. ]
So I want to live again, as Kaveh, a normal person with a penchant for architecture. I don't want to be held on a pedestal anymore. I should never been put on one, to begin with.
no subject
but in the beginning, alhaitham had listened to the stories of the earth. sumeru is a country. sumeru is a state. sumeru is a collection of stories. sumeru is a land that sings beneath its awning soil. sumeru is a land that remembers its heroes. and there are no heroes that sumeru loves more so and more dearly than kaveh of sumeru.
he wishes to live again. a hush falls. sunlight falls. motes of dust glint in the unnatural stillness of alhaitham's cloistered workshop. even a reality marble would not have been as complete.
then: ]
Why would it be selfish of you? [ is what alhaitham says in the wake of it. in the wake of a wish as light as a feather, the kind of wish carried by mondstadtian dandelions floating on the wings of migratory birds. it's the kind of wish that a child would make; it is the kind of wish that a king would make; it is the kind of wish that a world would make. alhaitham says: ] From whose perspective is the judgment cast, and why would they be allowed to make such a judgment? Your wish is your own. From the very beginning, the very existence of life is predicated on their desire to live. To say that you are selfish in wanting this is to say that all life is selfish. As I, too, am living, I can assert that I reject that premise. I am not selfish, therefore you cannot be.
[ alhaitham looks. the lift of his gaze from his book is steady. kaveh seems golden for it. ]
Now we are met, Kaveh of Sumeru.
[ the declaration is thus: that this is their first meeting, the meeting of minds. alhaitham of the homunculi has met kaveh of sumeru, and known him. ]