[ as the rise of the fierce sun in the morning sky is a story always told, so is the way kaveh's temper reaches its threshold: ]
Did you hear none of what I just said? I was being considerate! I was trying to reach a compromise, even! This has nothing to do with negotiating!
[ yet, still, in the same heartbeat, the same breath, the same burning flame: ] And in case you're curious, I was a perfectly fine negotiator!
[ it feels utterly foolish now, that kaveh allowed himself to see a hopeful future for the both of them. but no. absolutely not. not after he had put his heart out on display, behaved like a proper servant, even. so much for a proper, meaningful bond between a master and his servant. so much for trust.
kaveh crosses his arms, and looks away. ]
Good luck figuring out how to reconstruct that memory yourself.
[ speckles of golden light take kaveh's visage away, and in the blink of an eye, he is gone.
except, of course, he is still there — as though he could so easily turn his back to someone who needs him. ]
[ alhaitham says to the mere shadow of light in the room. kaveh vanishes in motes of gold and spinning stardust, and alhaitham looks into the space that he had once inhabited with the gentle curve of his eyes. his hands splay over his book, before he opens the journal once more. words tumble forth like a stream. alhaitham does not need to read to understand their meaning.
there had been a tale, once, of kaveh the saviour, who had met an army from across the river. thirty days and thirty nights of negotiation could not sway the army, for they held the high bank of the river and could not be approached. kaveh the saviour, who had finally run the course of his patience, came to the mouth of the river, and built an embankment to divert its flow. in a mere half a day, the camps of the enemy were nothing but knee-deep mire and swamp. the allied forces crossed the dampened river and routed them. there were other tales too - snippets of kaveh the saviour dancing witht the goddess, kaveh the saviour with his hair beset with dazzling jewels, paragraphs upon paragraphs of his delicate beauty like that of a fallen rose - but alhaitham had liked the story of the river best.
he says, to the sullen air: ]
There you are, Kaveh, Saviour of Sumeru, Light of the Kshahrewar and he who denied the yoke. I was wondering where you have been. [ alhaitham turns the page. ] Dimming yourself doesn't suit you. Before the diplomat, you were the flame. You saved Sumeru because you did not give the opposing armies what they wanted, when they wanted. Why should do so for me?
[ then: quieter - ]
Come out, or not - it matters not to me. Do as a proper negotiator will: I summoned a Servant to be my equal, not my slave. Tell me your wish, and I will tell you mine.
for a heroic spirit, kaveh is still just a man. he has always, eternally, since the moment of his birth, been just a man. he was not blessed with unmatched strength. his legs were not wind-kissed. he did not wield powers that others could not wield. his own dendro vision was just that— a vision, one that had been years too late, and one he relied on more for work than anything else. he had always, eternally, since moment one: been a person like any other, and found comfort in it.
what differed him was his wits, and the way he used them. but kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar, renowned architect; kaveh, just kaveh, believed in others as they did him. he has never been more special than his peers. he was simply more audacious. outspoken. stubborn. selfless. he was simply, always, eternally — kaveh.
it is a name he has not heard in a long time. ]
... Don't say my name so casually. What if someone hears you?
[ no one would, he knows. none of the other masters know where they stay. no servants had been nearby. yet, what is kaveh to say to that?
he relents, eventually, because of course he does. he does not, however, face alhaitham as his body materializes again; with his back against the table, it is much easier to hide the transparency of his emotions that run ever so carefree across his face. he's easy to read, for the most part. as a servant, he is hardly so special.
he should never be spoken of so highly. kaveh is, after all, still, even now — just a man. ]
Tell me yours first. I will consider it an apology for being so uncooperative until now.
[ the truth, untranslatable, is simply that kaveh must find his composure first. ]
[ alhaitham says this with the clarity of a man in an age long-past, standing in the forum of his peers, diction the simplicity of a struck bell. it is merely the truth. the absence of a wish is a wish unto itself. alhaitham knows, that what he is declaring is thus: that he is alhaitham, and that no wish can hold him.
he continues, in that self-same tone: ] To wish is to declare that your desire are outside the realm of your ability to obtain it. To that end, given that the Grail is a tool that actualises desire, no desire cast into the Grail can be considered a wish - it is akin to putting meat through a meat grinder, or water through a pump. If your desire is one outside your own capability to obtain, then either you must find the appropriate tool to actualise it, or you change your desire to one that can be obtained by your own abilities.
[ this alhaitham says, to the servant who has again materialised with his back to the table. kaveh is gold in the slant of the noon light. he does not look at alhaitham. he does not need to. alhaitham looks, and sees in the line of his back and the set of his shoulders a man who gazes into the mire of his own personal abyss.
alhaitham turns another page in his book. he concludes, quiet, dispassionate, like the sliding of page against vellum: ]
But if we speak of desires, I have many. The one that you are able to help me with is my desire for a reconstruction of a lost memory. In that sense, you are my Grail. This should be simple enough to understand.
[ none of the words said come as a surprise. it's an explanation, kaveh finds, for the lack of will to chase victory. it is a complement to words said beforehand, to actions taken, to an uncooperative behavior. it is, kaveh thinks, an excuse, one he accepts wholeheartedly.
still, in the fashion of a man who has lived bleeding for others, who has always put the world before himself and died for it: the lack of a wish, he finds, is a melancholic little thing. the words his master speak are enchanting in their own way, and for the average person, it is motivation taken-form. it is a solidified ambition, and translated into the common language, is: you can chase your dream, and grasp at it with your own strength. that, kaveh agrees with.
what differs the average, reachable dream and his own is the sheer magnitude of it. kaveh dreams of the impossible. kaveh dreams with something much bigger than the world, because kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar — that kaveh is much bigger than the average sumeran resident. it makes sense. it makes, too, an uncomfortable feeling boil in his heart. he lets it go, and looks over his shoulder.
alhaitham is as big an entity as he is. for the first time, he finds their partnership to be a reasonable one.
a breath, a sigh, and a glance at the blue, endless sky outside later, kaveh says: ] My wish is to live again.
... It might be selfish of me, and I'm sure there are those who would think me ungrateful, but really, I'm not. I'm thankful for what I had, and what I accomplished. I'm not ashamed of anything I did when I was alive. But, [ because there is always, always a but in all that kaveh says: ] I don't want to be Sumeru's Savior, or the Light of Kshahrewar. I was never as particularly outstanding or special as the people made me out to be. I was just a person like everyone else. I just had bigger ambitions. Anyone else could have been in my place.
[ not to say his accomplishments were not something he was proud of, because they were. kaveh has always known he was outstanding as a student, knows well that his fame as sumeru's most talented architect was never for granted. that, he could agree with. but titles have always weighted and meant more than they ever should. he has never enjoyed being called a genius, or said to be a prodigy or born with talent. he was not archon-blessed, or a gift from celestia. he was, and has always been: just a man. ]
So I want to live again, as Kaveh, a normal person with a penchant for architecture. I don't want to be held on a pedestal anymore. I should never been put on one, to begin with.
[ my wish is to live again, kaveh of sumeru says. alhaitham listens. of course he does. in his first memories of the world, alhaitham had been but a single node in a network of nodes. the transference of magical energy does not require sentience. it only needs the existence of magic circuits, and energy willing to traverse along it. and so it goes, that alhaitham had existed as a mere component of an unending water wheel. it wasn't until the need for self-actualisation that sentience had been encouraged. but that does not mean, however, that there was never any thought. magic circuits run along the same principles as activated neurons. entire networks of them, through a complex exchange of chemicals, receivers and receiverships create the components needed for thought to actualise. in essence, it is like creating a computer through a network of vials of water. alhaitham has always had sentience. he merely didn't have any reason to care that he did.
but in the beginning, alhaitham had listened to the stories of the earth. sumeru is a country. sumeru is a state. sumeru is a collection of stories. sumeru is a land that sings beneath its awning soil. sumeru is a land that remembers its heroes. and there are no heroes that sumeru loves more so and more dearly than kaveh of sumeru.
he wishes to live again. a hush falls. sunlight falls. motes of dust glint in the unnatural stillness of alhaitham's cloistered workshop. even a reality marble would not have been as complete.
then: ]
Why would it be selfish of you? [ is what alhaitham says in the wake of it. in the wake of a wish as light as a feather, the kind of wish carried by mondstadtian dandelions floating on the wings of migratory birds. it's the kind of wish that a child would make; it is the kind of wish that a king would make; it is the kind of wish that a world would make. alhaitham says: ] From whose perspective is the judgment cast, and why would they be allowed to make such a judgment? Your wish is your own. From the very beginning, the very existence of life is predicated on their desire to live. To say that you are selfish in wanting this is to say that all life is selfish. As I, too, am living, I can assert that I reject that premise. I am not selfish, therefore you cannot be.
[ alhaitham looks. the lift of his gaze from his book is steady. kaveh seems golden for it. ]
Now we are met, Kaveh of Sumeru.
[ the declaration is thus: that this is their first meeting, the meeting of minds. alhaitham of the homunculi has met kaveh of sumeru, and known him. ]
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no subject
Date: 2023-07-05 10:10 pm (UTC)Did you hear none of what I just said? I was being considerate! I was trying to reach a compromise, even! This has nothing to do with negotiating!
[ yet, still, in the same heartbeat, the same breath, the same burning flame: ] And in case you're curious, I was a perfectly fine negotiator!
[ it feels utterly foolish now, that kaveh allowed himself to see a hopeful future for the both of them. but no. absolutely not. not after he had put his heart out on display, behaved like a proper servant, even. so much for a proper, meaningful bond between a master and his servant. so much for trust.
kaveh crosses his arms, and looks away. ]
Good luck figuring out how to reconstruct that memory yourself.
[ speckles of golden light take kaveh's visage away, and in the blink of an eye, he is gone.
except, of course, he is still there — as though he could so easily turn his back to someone who needs him. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-05 11:00 pm (UTC)[ alhaitham says to the mere shadow of light in the room. kaveh vanishes in motes of gold and spinning stardust, and alhaitham looks into the space that he had once inhabited with the gentle curve of his eyes. his hands splay over his book, before he opens the journal once more. words tumble forth like a stream. alhaitham does not need to read to understand their meaning.
there had been a tale, once, of kaveh the saviour, who had met an army from across the river. thirty days and thirty nights of negotiation could not sway the army, for they held the high bank of the river and could not be approached. kaveh the saviour, who had finally run the course of his patience, came to the mouth of the river, and built an embankment to divert its flow. in a mere half a day, the camps of the enemy were nothing but knee-deep mire and swamp. the allied forces crossed the dampened river and routed them. there were other tales too - snippets of kaveh the saviour dancing witht the goddess, kaveh the saviour with his hair beset with dazzling jewels, paragraphs upon paragraphs of his delicate beauty like that of a fallen rose - but alhaitham had liked the story of the river best.
he says, to the sullen air: ]
There you are, Kaveh, Saviour of Sumeru, Light of the Kshahrewar and he who denied the yoke. I was wondering where you have been. [ alhaitham turns the page. ] Dimming yourself doesn't suit you. Before the diplomat, you were the flame. You saved Sumeru because you did not give the opposing armies what they wanted, when they wanted. Why should do so for me?
[ then: quieter - ]
Come out, or not - it matters not to me. Do as a proper negotiator will: I summoned a Servant to be my equal, not my slave. Tell me your wish, and I will tell you mine.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-06 04:41 am (UTC)for a heroic spirit, kaveh is still just a man. he has always, eternally, since the moment of his birth, been just a man. he was not blessed with unmatched strength. his legs were not wind-kissed. he did not wield powers that others could not wield. his own dendro vision was just that— a vision, one that had been years too late, and one he relied on more for work than anything else. he had always, eternally, since moment one: been a person like any other, and found comfort in it.
what differed him was his wits, and the way he used them. but kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar, renowned architect; kaveh, just kaveh, believed in others as they did him. he has never been more special than his peers. he was simply more audacious. outspoken. stubborn. selfless. he was simply, always, eternally — kaveh.
it is a name he has not heard in a long time. ]
... Don't say my name so casually. What if someone hears you?
[ no one would, he knows. none of the other masters know where they stay. no servants had been nearby. yet, what is kaveh to say to that?
he relents, eventually, because of course he does. he does not, however, face alhaitham as his body materializes again; with his back against the table, it is much easier to hide the transparency of his emotions that run ever so carefree across his face. he's easy to read, for the most part. as a servant, he is hardly so special.
he should never be spoken of so highly. kaveh is, after all, still, even now — just a man. ]
Tell me yours first. I will consider it an apology for being so uncooperative until now.
[ the truth, untranslatable, is simply that kaveh must find his composure first. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-08 11:06 am (UTC)[ alhaitham says this with the clarity of a man in an age long-past, standing in the forum of his peers, diction the simplicity of a struck bell. it is merely the truth. the absence of a wish is a wish unto itself. alhaitham knows, that what he is declaring is thus: that he is alhaitham, and that no wish can hold him.
he continues, in that self-same tone: ] To wish is to declare that your desire are outside the realm of your ability to obtain it. To that end, given that the Grail is a tool that actualises desire, no desire cast into the Grail can be considered a wish - it is akin to putting meat through a meat grinder, or water through a pump. If your desire is one outside your own capability to obtain, then either you must find the appropriate tool to actualise it, or you change your desire to one that can be obtained by your own abilities.
[ this alhaitham says, to the servant who has again materialised with his back to the table. kaveh is gold in the slant of the noon light. he does not look at alhaitham. he does not need to. alhaitham looks, and sees in the line of his back and the set of his shoulders a man who gazes into the mire of his own personal abyss.
alhaitham turns another page in his book. he concludes, quiet, dispassionate, like the sliding of page against vellum: ]
But if we speak of desires, I have many. The one that you are able to help me with is my desire for a reconstruction of a lost memory. In that sense, you are my Grail. This should be simple enough to understand.
fanfic warning i don't know what happened
Date: 2023-07-09 07:45 pm (UTC)still, in the fashion of a man who has lived bleeding for others, who has always put the world before himself and died for it: the lack of a wish, he finds, is a melancholic little thing. the words his master speak are enchanting in their own way, and for the average person, it is motivation taken-form. it is a solidified ambition, and translated into the common language, is: you can chase your dream, and grasp at it with your own strength. that, kaveh agrees with.
what differs the average, reachable dream and his own is the sheer magnitude of it. kaveh dreams of the impossible. kaveh dreams with something much bigger than the world, because kaveh, savior of sumeru, light of kshahrewar — that kaveh is much bigger than the average sumeran resident. it makes sense. it makes, too, an uncomfortable feeling boil in his heart. he lets it go, and looks over his shoulder.
alhaitham is as big an entity as he is. for the first time, he finds their partnership to be a reasonable one.
a breath, a sigh, and a glance at the blue, endless sky outside later, kaveh says: ] My wish is to live again.
... It might be selfish of me, and I'm sure there are those who would think me ungrateful, but really, I'm not. I'm thankful for what I had, and what I accomplished. I'm not ashamed of anything I did when I was alive. But, [ because there is always, always a but in all that kaveh says: ] I don't want to be Sumeru's Savior, or the Light of Kshahrewar. I was never as particularly outstanding or special as the people made me out to be. I was just a person like everyone else. I just had bigger ambitions. Anyone else could have been in my place.
[ not to say his accomplishments were not something he was proud of, because they were. kaveh has always known he was outstanding as a student, knows well that his fame as sumeru's most talented architect was never for granted. that, he could agree with. but titles have always weighted and meant more than they ever should. he has never enjoyed being called a genius, or said to be a prodigy or born with talent. he was not archon-blessed, or a gift from celestia. he was, and has always been: just a man. ]
So I want to live again, as Kaveh, a normal person with a penchant for architecture. I don't want to be held on a pedestal anymore. I should never been put on one, to begin with.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-20 02:42 pm (UTC)but in the beginning, alhaitham had listened to the stories of the earth. sumeru is a country. sumeru is a state. sumeru is a collection of stories. sumeru is a land that sings beneath its awning soil. sumeru is a land that remembers its heroes. and there are no heroes that sumeru loves more so and more dearly than kaveh of sumeru.
he wishes to live again. a hush falls. sunlight falls. motes of dust glint in the unnatural stillness of alhaitham's cloistered workshop. even a reality marble would not have been as complete.
then: ]
Why would it be selfish of you? [ is what alhaitham says in the wake of it. in the wake of a wish as light as a feather, the kind of wish carried by mondstadtian dandelions floating on the wings of migratory birds. it's the kind of wish that a child would make; it is the kind of wish that a king would make; it is the kind of wish that a world would make. alhaitham says: ] From whose perspective is the judgment cast, and why would they be allowed to make such a judgment? Your wish is your own. From the very beginning, the very existence of life is predicated on their desire to live. To say that you are selfish in wanting this is to say that all life is selfish. As I, too, am living, I can assert that I reject that premise. I am not selfish, therefore you cannot be.
[ alhaitham looks. the lift of his gaze from his book is steady. kaveh seems golden for it. ]
Now we are met, Kaveh of Sumeru.
[ the declaration is thus: that this is their first meeting, the meeting of minds. alhaitham of the homunculi has met kaveh of sumeru, and known him. ]